Shattered Heart

"I put my love in a jar in my heart like a piggy bank/And I'm giving it to you, so whatever you do, don't shatter my heart"

The past couple days I've been contemplating the ability for people to take chances when it comes to loving and giving someone the opportunity to love you back. It seems that once you open yourself up to the idea of loving someone and giving them the chance to be in your life, something just goes completely wrong for one reason or another.  The hurt you feel consumes you and you vow that you will never let that happen to you again, vow that it will be a cold day in hell before you get your heart broken again. Because of what you're feeling at that moment you may be making the wrong kind of vow for yourself. You might just be saying that you never want to love or be loved again. My issue with this is that people always say that experience is the best teacher, so how could you possibly learn anything from just one experience? Personally, I have never been one to take risks because I was always afraid of what the outcome would be. I have always stayed within my comfort zone. But when you look back over your life do you want to regret that you missed the love that could've been because you were too afraid to step out of your comfort zone? From another view point 1 John 4:18 says that "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear...". This is a perfect example of the attitude we should all have. We shouldn't be so quick to build up a wall and block ourselves off from the wonderful things love can bring.  Love is beautiful, and it's even better when you can allow yourself to experience it wholly and completely by being open to the many possibilities. I understand that no one wants a shattered heart but I would think that having had to go through heartache would make you appreciate REAL love that much more. For some, love is just a word or how much money they have in their wallet, but when you can hear it in their voice, see it in their eyes and feel it in their touch then you know its REAL. I feel we owe it to ourselves (ladies more specifically) to take that chance and open up our hearts again even when we feel that we've been through too much. If you don't, then the other person wins and they hold that power over you. Love is worth the chance and so are we...

Big Girls Don't Cry

" I know I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket, but I've got to get a move on with my life. It's time to be a big girl now..."

How do any of us really know what love is? At some point we have all asked ourselves this question or contemplated what that answer could be in the midst of a relationship or situation. Many of us have a tendency to base out definition of love by our current relationship status or maybe lack thereof. This issue alone raises many questions and sometimes gives us the answers that we may not be ready to accept. For us to truly understand what love is or what it should be, we must first and foremost evaluate ourselves. Many times we find ourselves saying that we love someone or in love with someone with realizing the lack of self love that we actually have. In order to allow ourselves to completely understand the magnitude of what love could really be, we have to ask ourselves how much of what we say we feel for someone else do we actually feel for ourselves? Whose reflection are you seeing when you look in the mirror? Most of the time the reflection staring back at you is that of a person who has been consumed by what you thought love was supposed to be like. Now don't misunderstand,  I'm not saying that relationships are supposed to be perfect because nothing in life is. But there is certainly a definite line between being loved and not loving yourself enough to know what you may be subjecting yourself to is hurting you more. Once you come to this realization, you need to ask yourself if that love you think you have is worth the heartache. We must keep in mind that love starts within us FIRST. If you're not loving you first then no one is gonna love you the way you deserve to be. Always remember, in the words of my PNC, just because someone loves you, it doesn't make them good to you or for you.

Lovers and Friends

"Tell me again, that we'll be lovers and friends"

Some say the best lovers are friends. I've yet to experience that theory personally but it is an interesting notion. ASide from the obvious risks of going from friends to lovers, there seem to be more benefits. First and foremost, because a friendship already exist there is a comfort level that relieves the normal nervousness of taking it to the next level, more of a need to prove what you're capable of because this isn't just a hit and run. You will still have monday night "Harlem Heights", Mexican food night and movie night to look forward to. So you don't wanna bring anything other than your A-game because while you're sitting on the couch on one of your chill nights, you want to know that you gave the best you've got. For some, your best isn't good enough but fortunately enough there was a solid foundation at the base of all this. And whether it works out and manifests into more, be happy either way it goes. FRIENDS make the best lovers and LOVERS make the best friends.

We Can't Be Friends

" I went by mothers, saw your car there. To her still family and it don't seem fair..."

How many of you have been in relationship where you and your mate co-mingled? I'm talking movie nights with friends, family functions, and major holidays. You spent so much time together if you weren't around, your family reached out to the other because they knew you were either together or not too far apart. You were cool with the family and knew for sure they loved you like one of their own. You vowed that regardless of what happened in your relationship you would always stay in touch because the relationship you formed with them just wasn't based on your relationship with your ex. Isn't that easier said than done for both parties? As the ex, do you really feel comfortable staying in touch with his family? Aren't you afraid that maybe you just want to get in on what your ex has been up to? Or maybe their questions are just to give your ex the scoop on you? At what point are you being disrespectful to their new life or relationship? And what about your ex? How can they move on from you when their family is still in love with you? Most people value the opinion of their family and as long as you're continuing the relationship with them you will remain in their lives. Are they comfortable with that? Do they really want you to remain in the backgrounds reminding them of what once was? What if the break up was your idea? Shouldn't you give up your temporarily family pass or are you that selfish to think that the trials you've endured in that relationship gives you permanent access to the one thing that is rightfully theirs? So many questions come into play with this situation. Reality is, we all make promises of what we would do once the relationship ends. But when it happens, whether the break up was mutual or one-sided, can you make good on all the promises you made when it's finally reality and not just a hypothetical scenario?

Ode to Keri....

sometimes love can just be so crazy. it can be just like a SLOW DANCE, so smooth and intricate making you feel like you could do it forever. and other times it can make you feel so ALIENATED, like you're the only one putting forth any effort. but sometimes things can change, ya know? if we just take the time to put in a little more ENERGY, things can really turn around. but if you're the only one giving and your partner can't RETURN THE FAVOR what difference does it really make? sometimes you just feel like giving up because it doesn't seem worth it. but then you reflect on the times when you would MAKE LOVE...lying there wondering what they're thinking, silently thanking him cause he knows just how to keep TURNIN ME ON. but secretly you have that INTUITION, something just isn't right. you're spending more time by yourself wondering what's really going on and why he seems so distant. WHERE DID HE GO?  maybe you should just tell him how you feel, TELL HIM THE TRUTH and let him know you can't go through this anymore. tell him there is no need to try and CHANGE ME because you knew what this was from the start. love just isn't supposed to feel like this. it just isn't supposed to KNOCK YOU DOWN and  leave you out for the count. but then again maybe you just love too hard. HOW DOES IT FEEL to be alone now?  i bet you won't even give it a second thought and realize i'm gone now. but it's cool. i thought i deserved you but now i know i deserve better. so im gone now...off to live IN A PERFECT WORLD